Talking About Sex to
Here it comes, the ‘dreaded’ chat about sex with our
children. You child may ask you to tell them about how babies are
made, they may hint that they have heard something about sex or you may just decide that it is time to talk to
them and teach them some of the facts of life.
The first question that parents often ask is ‘what
age should my child be when I broach the subject of sex?’. There is no one age that you should do this. You should have the chat when your son/daughter show signs of wanting
information. Also, they make ask questions when they are younger
– possibly at the age of 5 or 6. The question, “where do babies
come from” is a typical one. As a parent, keep the response age
appropriate. For example, you want sit a 6 year old down and
tell them the full facts, but you may say that when a man and a woman love each other very much, a special
see from the man can go to a special egg in the woman and then a baby can grow. You can talk about the development of the baby in the womb
and how they grow from a tiny egg to have arms, hands, fingers etc. Remember, answer questions simply and directly. Not providing some kind of answer for a child can result in them using
their imagination to fill in the gaps, so it is better if you avoid that!
For older children, talking about sex is so much more than just the act of sex
itself. There are so many subjects around approaching
puberty to be discussed including:
Body changes – pubic hair, changes in body shape, growth spurts
and the changes in their voice box
Erections, how and when they occur and dealing with any feelings of
Sperm, semen and wet dreams
Personal hygiene and the importance of regular showers, deodorant and possibly
Body changes – pubic hair, breasts, changes in body shape and growth
Understanding the menstrual cycle and what periods
How to deal with their periods from tampons, pads, disposal of these and period
Personal hygiene and the importance of regular shower
(particularly during their period), deodorant and so forth.
The kind of feelings and mood swings they may
have and how to deal with these.
The changes that may occur in the skin and hair.
Acne and skin problems and how to deal with them.
Other possible changes such as oily skin, greasy hair, perspiration
The importance of a healthy diet and regular
The great time they will enjoy during this phase of their
The facts about sex and changes in both boys and girls bodies needs to discussed
to ensure that your son/daughter know the facts and are confident that they can ask you
questions when they want to. Your son/daughter need to know
about all aspects of puberty so that they are confident and re-assured that the body or emotional changes
they are experiencing are normal.
So how do you have that chat with your child and how can you go about teaching them the
facts. Firstly, check out book
shops. They offer a range of books to teach children about sex
and cater for all age groups. Find a book that you feel is the
most appropriate for your child and read it yourself first. If
you don’t want to purchase a book and would prefer to chat using your own knowledge it is important you
prepare yourself. Map out (on paper if
necessary) the areas that you want to discuss with your child making sure that you cover
Using either method, you will have thought about what you will be discussing and
given yourself an opportunity to prepare for the discussion.
Some parents, if they buy a book, prefer to give the book to their child and encourage them to read it at
their own pace. It is important however, that you tell you
son/daughter that they can them come to you to chat about any aspect of the information that they want you to
chat about or help them to understand. If your child doesn’t
approach you with questions, set aside time to chat to them about the book and invite questions if they have
You may prefer to read the book with them – if so, pick a time
that you have plenty of space and time to read the book with them. It may also be helpful to let them take the book and re-read it themselves,
that helps if they have any feelings of embarrassment while reading it with you and also gives them the
chance to go over any areas that they need to understand better.
If you have decided to have the chat with your child yourself, then be prepared
for the conversation by ensuring that you know the facts and have a plan on what you need to
cover. Sometimes it is easier to talk to your child if you use
the proper names for sexual organs etc. Make
sure you can talk to your child about how a girl’s menstrual cycle works, the fallopian tubes, the womb,
ovulation and so forth. Ensure that you also inform your child
about boys and what an erection is, why it occurs, the penis, testicles, sperm, semen, wet dreams and
ejaculation. Explain how pregnancy occurs and pregnancy and the
wonderful development of a baby in the womb.
Invite your child to ask questions, be available for chats and invite your child
to chat about the subject if they want to.
There are so many more parts of growing up beyond puberty and sexual
development. You should also talk to them about how they may
change in terms of their interests, feelings towards the opposite sex, falling in love and
dealing with feelings of embarrassment and awkwardness. Reassure
them that this is part of growing up and that most teenagers will experience these feelings from time to
time. It is important that they know they can talk to you about
any issues. Remember what it was like for you growing up and
offer plenty of support and tender loving care when it is needed! You should also do all you can to help to build your teenager’s self